Natural Selection

I find it somehow peculiarly fascinating to see people from different regions of China struggle to communicate. I suppose one side thinks the other is less educated or somethingl like that, perhaps like if a Yank struggled to understand somebody from the Deep South, a Londoner grasping at eels to comprehend a Glasgoweigian. But all pretensions aside, I’ve always found lexical variety utterly fascinating.

Plane’s delayed and consistently turbulent. Last pan-Chinese weather report I saw, thunderstorms blanketed the southeastern corner of the country. Which just so happenes to be the corner I’m flying through at the moment, returning from a weeklong trip to Japan and Hong Kong. It feels like it’s been ages. And I feel this searingly anxious pining to just set eyes upon my baby. More so, perhaps, than after returning to Hangzhou after 2 months in Mexico and the U.S.

And, of course, like the obediently disobedient (or just plane aloof) nature of the mainland Chinese, a woman just got up to use the lavatory despite the announcements not to during this turbulence.

I would never wish genuine ill will upon the populace of urban China. But sometimes I find myself longing for some brunt, frequent form of Darwinian selection process to, if not weed out seemingly intentional ignorance, at the very least, cause enough mental or physical shock/anguish to jolt this society of its etiquette slumber.

Continuing Education

I wrote this lengthy reply to a Chinese poster on this HangzhouExpat thread whom I thought needed a little coaching on how to debate with foreigners in a more productive manner.

(If anybody would like to help me edit some of my grammatical/lexical mistakes, please free feel to do so.)

All right, I’d like to perform another act of public service here. And this time, it involves one particular person.

jaer:

读了你写的文章好几次,可是我还不太明白你到底要跟外国人吵架或聊天。因为我是那样的人有这两种的思想(外国人和中国人),我也 许可以帮你了解怎么跟外国人聊(或者吵架)。

让我给你说明这样。你说了:

1.
jaer wrote:

i understand there are many foreigners who hate or dislike chinese gov .i understand even some foreigners connect this earthquake with ti-betian issue [sic]

我觉得你本来的目的是让外国人感觉你自己的骄傲为了中国人民共和国!!! ,也许说服他们感觉跟你一样。但是,看一下你自己写的句子。你真的觉得这样开始文章会让外国人跟你同意吗?你已经自己写的很清楚 你的看法关于外国人。他们为什么要跟你一起感觉骄傲?

而且,不好意思,可是没有一个外国人觉得西藏的事情跟四川地震的事情有关系。谁是那么笨?

2.
jaer wrote:

i use foreigners rather than laowai , why ?becoz we show our respect ,in china we have a saying :how u treat ppl , they treat u back . [sic]

Okay, again, 外国人不是笨。你已经开始你的文章用,”i understand there are many foreigners who hate or dislike chinese gov .” 你以后演得怎么客气,谁会相信你?而且,把你的字读出来一边。”becoz we show our respect, in china …” 你觉得是不是听起来很自私自利着?好像只有中国人会尊重外地的人。你用得逻辑一点都不有效的。

3.
jaer wrote:

the present political leaders of chinese gov do not derserve ur comments like that

3— u think our gov is not transparent , many officials have corruption , i wanna tell u this happens everywhere , and since the new leader group came into power this has been improved much better .CHINA IS STILL A DEVELOPING COUNTRY .

中国人需要了解这个:很多外国人不太会相信政府。什么国家的都不相信。特别美国人。美国的出生的座右铭之一是,从来不太相信政府 。

所以,当外国人批评中国的共产党,他们的意思不是,“我们就恨死你们的政府,你们的国家”。他们批评因为:

1. 外国人很有愤世嫉俗的观点(cynical,不知道翻译得对不对)关于政治活动,而且那样比较有培养的外国人已经认识到政治家所 有的骗术和手段。所以他们会有愤世嫉俗的观点!!!
2. 外国人总是批评政府,包括他们自己的政府。
3. 外国人,特别西方人,批评政府因为他们永远觉得政府会把事情做得比较好。他们批评,因为他们

4.
jaer wrote:

i do wanna tell u more , but i think for many ppl these words may not convincable enough for them to change their mind [sic]

那你为什么开始这个题目?如果你本来的态度是这样的?为什么栏肥你和他们的时间写了这个文章?如果你的真的觉得他们不会懂你的意 思?

5.
jaer wrote:

this earthquake china cant be easily beat down .chinese ppl love their homeland , chinese ppl know appreaciation , chinese people know to stay up together when the hardship comes around

好。好说得。没有人为了这个看法会跟你不同意。

但是 … 来看看你最后怎么继续:

6.
jaer wrote:

history will prove whos right whos wrong. let the truth shut u guys up.

Maybe its time for u guys to learn chinese , coz even if ur here u don understand it , this is a big failure .put away ur elegance ,this is china , if u dont like it , OUT

why are you guys here in china? is that true all the foreigners cant make business in their own country then they came to china?

when i saw the replies , i do feel very disspoint , if all the american ppl like that i m sure china will replace their postion very soon , i m actually very sad for u , the replies makes me feel sick and the american ppl like sand , we r like rock

我觉得你自己会认识到,这样的态度一点都不行。你要让外国人为了中国感觉骄傲。所以,你就侮辱他们?小看他们?开除他们?这是什 么样的乱七八糟的逻辑?

这样的态度不是只很无知的。(你随便方所有的外国人跟美国人在一样群。)而且是很盲地国家主义(nationalistic)。你一开始的时候要给别人看你的爱国的感觉(patriotism)。可是nationalism和patriotism是不同的东西。一个是盲的想法。另外个是真的爱国的感觉。

不要控告外国人恨你的国家。我们都是杭州人,已经在这里住了好久。如果我们真的恨中国,你觉得我们还要带在这里吗?

(不好意思。普通话也不是我的母语。这个文章肯定有很多错误。)

Translation:

“Stop using shitty argumentative logic and start understanding where foreigners are coming from before you demonize them.”

Oh, and jaer, if you want to even bother replying to my novel up there, please just reply in English. It took me long enough just to write that.Meridia versus phentermine
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No offense, but Hurricane Katrina was nothing.

Some of the world’s deadliest natural disasters

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: May 12, 2008

Filed at 3:25 p.m. ET

A look at some of the deadliest natural disasters around the world in the past 40 years:

– May 2008: Earthquake (magnitude 7.9) hits Sichuan province in central China. Thousands are killed.

– May 2008: Cyclone Nargis strikes Myanmar, killing more than 30,000 and leaving an additional 30,000 missing.

– October 2005: Northern Pakistan earthquake (magnitude 7.6) kills about 78,000 people.

– August 2005: U.S. Gulf Coast Hurricane Katrina kills at least 1,600 people in Louisiana and Mississippi.

– December 2004: Indian Ocean tsunami (triggered by magnitude 9.0 earthquake) kills 230,000 in a dozen countries.

– December 2003: Southeastern Iran earthquake (magnitude 6.5) kills 26,000.

– August 1999: Western Turkey earthquake (magnitude 7.4) kills 17,000.

– October 1998: Central America Hurricane Mitch kills 9,000.

– April 1991: Bangladesh cyclone kills 140,000.

– June 1990: Northwestern Iran earthquake (magnitude 7.7) kills 50,000.

– July 1976: Northeastern China earthquake (magnitude 8.2) kills 240,000.

– November 1970: Bangladesh cyclone kills 300,000. World’s deadliest cyclone on record.

Thank you, dai lo.

I think it’s about high time I do a little introspection at this minor juncture in my life, if only because I haven’t done so in a while. But mostly because I feel I do indeed once again need to choose which path to go down from this year forth. This, of course, being the worst of nights to have such a session as this, since my alarm is set for 5:30 a.m. (it’s now 3:55 a.m.) for the (unnecessary/unwanted) day trip to Shanghai today.

I suppose it’s convenient for life-thinking that I go on these major vacations every so often (I’m going to Japan for a week at the end of this month to attend a family’s friends’ wedding); they serve as poignant chapter markers in my life, the befores and afters of which I decide upon new directions for my career(s), love life, creative & entrepreneurial aspirations, etc.

This may come as a sudden shock to some of you, particularly since I’m not in the habit of divulging much about my love life to the general public. But seeing as how I’ve been together with Tina for going on past a year and a half now, it would only be natural for things to progress to that next, perhaps even ultimate stage of commitment. I declare without copious amounts of trepidation that marriage and children are probably not all that far off from now. Perhaps within a year or two. Hell, we certainly talk enough about it.

Which brings me to the next point: career choices. Ever since genuinely embarking upon this art dealing endeavor of mine, as some may have predicted, one of three things have since always interfered with this business moving full speed ahead: (1) life, (2) sloth, (3) poverty. Allow me to expound on these.

Life. Shit just always happens. I mean, for God’s sake, I have a three and a half day weekend to get shit done. Yet it never does. Shit somehow always seems to just come up. Maybe my girlfriend gets sick. Maybe the Dreamparty social networking event for creative people that I co-coordinate needs tending to. Maybe I need to liason with participants of a painting exhibition I’ve suddenly decided to volunteer to curate. And then maybe I get sick on top of that. Maybe I need to go to Shanghai or Hong Kong for a visa run. Maybe there’s a famous DJ coming into town that I’ve agreed to interview. Maybe there’s some “international” festival event going on. Maybe there’s an extra class that needs teaching. Maybe my girlfriend’s sister decides to come to town and needs accompanying. Maybe several complications come up during Tina’s visa application process to Japan. Maybe we need to go back to Dongyang to visit her family for the weekend. Maybe I get into a stupid argument with Tina and need to spend the next day or two with damage control. Maybe we need to have dinner with friends, attend a friend’s wedding, which eventually extrapolates into several hours of KTV (karaoke). Maybe some stranger e-mails me again about my feedback on the Alexandria course in Egypt for TEFL International. Maybe my laptop is being a bitch and acting up again, thus requiring extensive net research and repair. Maybe I need to work on something to bring to my biweekly Thursday writing group meetings. Maybe some libelous content needs administering on HangzhouExpat.com and I need to send admonishments to offending users. Maybe I never seem to have or allot time to focus on running my goddamn business.

Sloth. And then, when I do have time, what do I do? I spend it reconfiguring all the corrupt/incomplete ID3 tags on my mp3’s so that my iPod menus aren’t all luan qi ba zao. I spend it fuckin’ around on Facebook, downloading GTA: Vice City. I spend it having trivial/meaningless IM conversations on Trillian, which almost always results in sucking up hours without any benefit to me, networking or otherwise. (Especially since Trillian allows me to chat on AIM, Yahoo!, and MSN all at once. Excluding the Skype, GoogleTalk, and QQ [Chinese] that I open up as well.) Or, I spend it adding entries into my Outlook address book, posting frivolously intellectual retorts to ill-conceived debates on HangzhouExpat.com. Whatever’s easiest and requires less deep thought and planning. Anything but draft contracts for con/artistry, anything but doing some much, much needed ‘liasing’ with gallery, artist, and art dealer contacts that is so, so essential to the networking aspect of my business. Anything but breaking down and learning a little HTML so I can finally, at least, get an ‘Under Construction’ notification up for the company website. Anything but run a business.

Poverty. No, this business really doesn’t require much capital, which is why I went into it in the first place. But that’s different from no capital, with facilitates absolutely nothing other than painfully slow progress. The website should’ve been up months ago, the company stationary, business cards, and catalogs printed and distributed. But alas, no funds to pay the web/graphic designer in Indonesia. Screeching halt. I should be attending art fairs, biennales, opening receptions at galleries in Shanghai. Of course, working on weekends doesn’t help. And not having thousands of dollars to fly to the U.S. and Europe and Beijing doesn’t exactly help speed things up either. (I suppose that last one is mildly forgiveable.) But god dammit, my main market region, Houston, JUST had a major, major Chinese contemporary photography festival that, (1) I should have known about far in advance (all it would’ve taken would be to have simply glanced thru the ads in that latest issue of ArtAsiaPacific I received), and (2) I should’ve flown back to attend, particularly since ALL the major industry players in Houston and numerous high-profile Chinese artists were there on-hand throughout that whole month of events (it’s still going on, actually). But who can do that when you gotta teach class and earn enough money just to be able to fly to the neighboring country while paying back credit card bills, friends, and family members for the LAST vacation you just took to Singapore?

I forget what the figure is. Something like, 75% of start-up businesses fail within the first year? 90% within the first two? I’d say mine falls under a separate category, since it can never really “fail”; it hasn’t succeeded yet! I’d say my business has fallen into a logistical slump/slowdown within the first five months of “operation.”

Thus my currently seriously considering going full full-time at Wall Street, my English school employer. (Full full-time, meaning, as of yet, I’m on a reduced full-time contract.) For several reasons, the first two primarily being, my salary would be significantly higher (the absolute most an English teacher could make in my city, actually, working at a private language center), and my prospects for promotion would probably be better. And I am very much gunning for the top position at my school within, insha’allah, two or so years time. Very promising and lucrative, this company is. The first educational set-up I’ve seen yet in China that’s worth giving a damn about and believing in.

The former of these two reasons, salary, would certainly be nice in expediting loan repayments to my various lenders, put me in a better financial position to get married and have a kid within a reasonable amount of time (I’m gonna hafta worry about two separate hun li’s after all [wedding ceremonies]—-one here and one back home in the States), and put me on a better path to saving for real estate investment. My goal, I’ve declared to Tina defiantly/playfully, is to trump her own investment success by purchasing my first piece of real estate before the age of 29, when she bought her first apartment. :-p

Perhaps things have happened for a reason, and it seems to me, at this point, that all signs are telling me to focus on what I know best—-how to teach English and how to progress in that industry. A good friend of mine told me at the beginning of this year as well: “Stick to what you know best, Eddy,” he said sagely. “The rest’ll come later. You’ve got plenty of time.”

Maybe I should, Roy. Maybe I should put con/artistry off to side for now. Not completely, because then I’d be neglecting the company representatives that I’ve already recruited. But, at least, enough to focus more on the bright end of the tunnel that I can more clearly see.

Thanks, dai lo. I’ve always appreciated your sound advice. I pray for your health and your success down in Zhuhai, Shenzhen, or wherever life may take you down under in Guangzhou.

No kop kun khap to you!

I guess if there’s any downside to living and traveling overseas, it’s that you start getting junk mail from every corner of the world. Just look at this bullshit:

Asiasoft Passport Password
สวัสดีค่ะคุณ ภาษา ไทย

Asiasoft Passport ID ของคุณ คือ AP13350864

Nickname ของคุณ คือ ming000127

Asiasoft Passport Password ของคุณ คือ A895FA08
หมายเหตุ : ตัวอักษร 0 ที่ทางระบบสร้างขึ้นใช้แทนหมายเลขศูนย์เท่านั้น

คุณสามารถใช้ ID และ Password นี้สำหรับเข้าระบบ AsiaSoft Passport ได้ทันที

ขอขอบพระคุณที่เลือกใช้บริการของเรา
บริษัท เอเชียซอฟท์ คอร์ปอเรชั่น จำกัด

I’m fuckin’ getting junk mail in Thai now? ?????? What the hell? I’ve never even visited a Thai website in my entire life! I … think …

Why China Will Never Truly Be Great

I’d like to share with you all a thread that I’ve been posting to over at HangzhouExpat. My avatar on there is ‘ming128′.

In brief, the initial poster declares why China will be truly be great, and then goes on to write, in my opinion, a list of personal biases and cultural bigotries. Though, he likely doesn’t even realize how arrogant he may seem. (Which, I would say particularly for many Western Europeans, is very hard for them to do at times.)

After which I proceed to mock him and his laughable logic to no end.

Pipe Dreams

I found this ad off of HangzhouExpat. I’ve decided I wanna do this! Wish me luck. 5K ain’t that far, right? :-p

Hangzhou International School Running Dragon 5K and fun walk!!!
– Sponsored by Four Points hotel, Subway, Outdoor Outfitters, and Decathalon

Join the Hangzhou International School Dragons as we unleash our first-ever 5K run. Among the flattest and fastest 5K’s you’ll ever do, the course begins and ends at Hangzhou International School in Bin Jiang and loops near the #2 Middle School as well as along the Qian Tang River. The course affords great views of Hangzhou’s #1 Bridge and the 6 Harmonies Pagoda, and there will also be an “out and back” 1.5K walk/fun run from the School for families. Proceeds benefit on-campus and global conservation efforts.

Race Specifics:
– Race Date: 10 May 2008
– Race Start: 8AM
– Entry Fee: 50 RMB
– Location: Hangzhou International School
80 Dong Xin Lu, Bin Jiang
(next to the #2 Middle School)

Those who pre-register by 25 April are ensured a race T-shirt. Registration will continue through to the race day with open race day registration from 6:45AM – 7:30AM.

Please send the following information to Melesa Johnston at mjohnston@scischina.org
- Name: ______________ – Age on Race Day: __________
- Home Address: ___________________
___________________
- Contact Phone number: ________________
- Pre-Registrant Adult Shirt Size: S M L XL
- Race Fee: &n bsp; 50 RMB
- Additional donation: +_____________
- Total: _____________

Race Disclaimer: I wish to enter the 2008 Running Dragon 5K and Walk. I am medically fit to run or walk the distance involved, and will not hold the organizers responsible for any injury or loss to my property or person however caused, before, during or after the event. Children of 16 years and under may participate only with the consent of a parent/guardian. I understand that the course is open to all traffic.

Signature: ________________ (Can sign day of race)

Vision of Me

I always have this vision of myself up on stage with the confidence of a rock star/veteran emcee, commanding the crowd like a teacher commands his students. But alas, this vision is always anything but the reality of it. For once I get up there, all eyes on centered on me, I choke.

It’s not that I get stage fright or that I freeze or anything like that. It’s just, all the ways that I imagined myself speaking to the crowd before the actual show all fly out the window at that point, and then my presentation is just all relegated to mindless shout-outs and weakly impassioned declarations of whatever; on a constant loop, I might add. For after about three sentences in, I run out of things to say, and then I just start repeating what I just said.

丢脸, lemme tell ya. Very, very 丢脸。The transliteration of that Chinese phrase is diu1 lian3, or, quite literally, “to lose face.” I’m starting a mission, by the way–to initiate the widespread common usage of Chinese phrases and idioms into the English language, just as many French, Spanish, German, and other phrases have become part of the general vernacular of international language. There are just, simply put, some Chinese phrases that cannot be translated into English without losing its communicative efficiency. To directly use a phrase such as 乱七八糟 ‘luan4 qi1 ba1 zao4′ automatically and immediately infers a chaotic-ness or disorderliness to a certain situation or kind of conduct that just couldn’t be expressed in English as quickly and accurately. Therefore, I may start using useful Chinese phases here on my blog–always with footnotes at the end of the post for explanations, of course–in an effort to start proliferating the use of Chinese idioms in everyday English communication.

And it’s not that I’m partial to the Chinese language. If I’d been living in Egypt all this time, I most likely would’ve come across some useful Egyptian Arabic phrases that are just more useful than explaining the whole meaning of something in English. And therefore, I’d be pushing those idioms and phrases right now. So, yeah. I’m all up for the amalgamation of efficient uses of communication, regardless of which language the … um, “amalgamates” are derived from.

This all went down at Dreamparty 9, of which I feel I played a significant part in pulling together a lot of the ideas for improving the party and working toward implementing them in a more logical, engaging way.

If you don’t already know, I am now Events Co-Coordinator / Marketing Assistant for a biweekly social event for creative people called the Dreamparty.

And so, I envisioned myself being the grand host for the night, announcing events, giving all the proper ups where they were due, even rapping a little on stage as a part of the hip-hop theme we had going last night. And yeah. Very, very meek showing from myself, if I must say so. Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a host/emcee. And for performing for that matter. Because, like, I love to sing, but I just don’t perform very well.

Blech. And that’s all I feel like saying on this topic.

That Shit is Just Wrong

I wrote this reply to my friend after reading thru a Chinese blog account of the events that unfolded in Lhasa earlier in the middle of last month. Here is the link to that young Chinese woman’s translated account.

How Can I Forget Lhasa, March 14?

Mitchell,

Thanks for that link. It’s been a while since I’ve read any news of real substance. But actually, no I don’t think that Chinese girl’s account of what happened on March 14th represents the majority Chinese view of minorities within their borders.

I actually thought the blog was written quite objectively, for the most part. Other parts were just emotional reactions. And then, in the next post, she clarifies that her comments about Tibetans were not directed at the majority peace-loving, Chinese-harboring Tibetans, but at those criminal rioters who cut off Hui boys’ ears and burnt people to death.

That shit is just wrong. On the Tibetans’ part.

Sometimes, in these kind of chaotic situations, it’s really hard to see who’s wrong and who’s right. Maybe both sides are wrong AND right.

No, I think MOST Chinese people view their minorities with morbid fascination and that’s it, as if the minorities are tourists in their own land. But this young woman from Shenzhen was brave enough, culturally daring enough to befriend the local populace in Lhasa, only to have that spat back in her face at the teahouse after the rioting had subsided.

During and after war, everything goes to hell. Even the best intentions are in vain at that point. Humanity can be so disgusting sometimes. Nazis, Japanese, Americans, Janjaweed militias, Han Chinese, Tibetans alike.

I can only hope that one day, I will be a part of the solution.

Yours

Small Update

I’ve gone ahead and removed the password to my previous post, My Application to Suite101, seeing as now they’ve gone ahead and taken the dive by hiring me. I’d like to mention that to date, I have come an entire one article closer to meeting the ten article/3 months article quota. The deadline of which is coming up at the end of next month.

Go me.

I’ve also removed the password to my inflammatory response to an e-mail scammer, detailed in the post, See You in Hell, Criminal. I originally password-protected because I thought that if my reply to this scammer had ended up pissing him off enough, he might actually try tracking me down, and this blogsite does, from time to time, come up in Google search hits. Though, I certainly haven’t maximized the keywords format of this site in such a manner as to appear on page 1 search results, ha. Too much work. I already gotta over-think writing articles over at Suite101, because they all have to be Google Adwords-maximized. (I you want me to explain, just ask.)

But I decided, fuck it, if the guy wants to come after me, let him come. Bitch. What the fuck could he seriously do?

Anyways, enjoy the un-censorship where you can. ‘Cause I sure as hell can’t here in China. Haha.